Most writing about self discipline tends to be sermonizing or pornography; browbeating us to just try harder or tormenting us with images of what we could be if only we had unlimited strength of will.
Maybe if the world led us to live more fulfilling lives, instead of more productive ones, we'd have less propensity to do things that are bad for us and might naturally live healthier lives.
It's a great artcle. The best part is that it addresses everyone in the spectrum from those who are amazing planners and zero doers to those who are on the other end.
This resonates a lot with my personal experience, both as a therapist and as a human who struggles with self-discipline (possibly due to undiagnosed ADHD). Other people might see me as productive or self-disciplined, but my inner experience is very different. Building healthy habits and getting things done is a process of negotiation and compromise among parts of myself, of pushing myself but not too hard, of conserving energy for when I need it, of indulging some impulses so that I can limit others. The most important skill or attitude that makes this possible, though, is being a friend to myself—wanting the best for myself and treating myself with some measure of compassion.
Great list. I’d like to add ritual sacrifice as a practice which has helped me. If I have a task or goal ahead of me which I know will require willpower, I sometimes destroy something valuable as a promise to myself. If I fail then I will have destroyed something dear for no reason. If I succeed it was a helpful sacrifice to keep me on the path.
Thanks for your post! The Conservation of Pleasure is such a brilliant concept that I haven't seen anyone mentioned before. But it's just so true. Reflecting on my own experience, it's perhaps the biggest reason why I am not disciplined for long as I want to.
There are many ways to add friction to using the phone but have you considered simply just throwing it away. I went a couple years with a flip phone and I have a lot of IRL responsibilities. You can do everything you describe without a smart phone. It just takes humility.
I use an app called app block on my phone to time limit problematic apps if I still need them sometimes. (Ex 30min/day browser) You can set it to also block any newly downloaded apps and lock the settings for 30 days at a time. The problem of course is when the 30 day lock is up and you can change the settings it's almost impossible to make yourself relock them 😑
Seems impractical for those situations when you're, say, at the airport and need to reschedule your flight and have to download the app to do it. That's the problem with phone addiction - unlike many other addictions, you can't just give it up.
What I like to do is separate the decision making from the action taking. I find the real executive fatigue comes from trying to combine the two into the same moment; making a decision holds much more weight if you have to enact it immediately. Pre-plan every decision possible.
I can tell you exactly what would happen if I tried this - I'd make the decision, then when it came time to taking the action I'd second-guess myself and have to make the decision again.
i notice that if i "take time to think about things" oftentimes the character course of action just appears or the problem dissolves. also i write with a lot of edits - viewing the draft with "fresh eyes" on multiple days
To be more precise, the root of the friction in taking action, at least for me, is uncertainty. Your job is to reduce uncertainty as much as possible before taking the action.
I really like the idea of re-casting your emotions and complexes as ministers in your cabinet; it's a nice reminder that "You aren't your feelings". Like in real life, it would also be productive to see the good in them and to trust that they (mostly) have your well-being in mind, they just aren't the most qualified to make the final call on what's right.
My experience is that shows are watchable in a second language if they are really good (like top tier stuff) or if they were originally shot in that language. That's about the level I'm at with spanish and french; i can't watch a mediocre show that is then subbed and dubbed into one of those languages.
Wow! Simple, Clear and to the point. I've been employing many of these lately, but it is great to have a single place to relook at them once in a while. Saved the post and Subscribed!
Aligning the self with the best discipline is always helpful. Who and why is always variable. It helps to have as many different perspectives as possible.
Maybe if the world led us to live more fulfilling lives, instead of more productive ones, we'd have less propensity to do things that are bad for us and might naturally live healthier lives.
Good read, nonetheless!
I love using analogies for things, like the ones you mentioned. Anything that turns hard things into bits usually makes those hard things easier.
It's astonishing how the right analogy can reframe a problem or even make it dissolve altogether.
Good article up until the weird anti-communism jumpscare
important post
Interesting and helpful, thanks! But I'm concerned that your Communist Party donations may get you on a CSIS list.
It's a great artcle. The best part is that it addresses everyone in the spectrum from those who are amazing planners and zero doers to those who are on the other end.
This resonates a lot with my personal experience, both as a therapist and as a human who struggles with self-discipline (possibly due to undiagnosed ADHD). Other people might see me as productive or self-disciplined, but my inner experience is very different. Building healthy habits and getting things done is a process of negotiation and compromise among parts of myself, of pushing myself but not too hard, of conserving energy for when I need it, of indulging some impulses so that I can limit others. The most important skill or attitude that makes this possible, though, is being a friend to myself—wanting the best for myself and treating myself with some measure of compassion.
Great list. I’d like to add ritual sacrifice as a practice which has helped me. If I have a task or goal ahead of me which I know will require willpower, I sometimes destroy something valuable as a promise to myself. If I fail then I will have destroyed something dear for no reason. If I succeed it was a helpful sacrifice to keep me on the path.
Thanks for your post! The Conservation of Pleasure is such a brilliant concept that I haven't seen anyone mentioned before. But it's just so true. Reflecting on my own experience, it's perhaps the biggest reason why I am not disciplined for long as I want to.
How did you stop yourself from being able to reinstall a browser or the Substack app on your phone?
I spend 10 hours a day on my phone and I hate it
There are many ways to add friction to using the phone but have you considered simply just throwing it away. I went a couple years with a flip phone and I have a lot of IRL responsibilities. You can do everything you describe without a smart phone. It just takes humility.
I use an app called app block on my phone to time limit problematic apps if I still need them sometimes. (Ex 30min/day browser) You can set it to also block any newly downloaded apps and lock the settings for 30 days at a time. The problem of course is when the 30 day lock is up and you can change the settings it's almost impossible to make yourself relock them 😑
I used android family link/google parental controls (not sure what exactly it's called, but you get the vibe)
set it to block all downloads without permission of the "parent" (actually a sock puppet i set up)
set the "parent"'s account password to a long, difficult to remember one
keep the password in an envelope at a friend's house
Seems impractical for those situations when you're, say, at the airport and need to reschedule your flight and have to download the app to do it. That's the problem with phone addiction - unlike many other addictions, you can't just give it up.
it's true but you probably aren't going to spend 10 hours a day finding workaround just for those situations - so it is still a net gain
What about the times when you need a browser on your phone for some reason though?
I don't know what to tell you. Either find a workaround for those situations or keep spending 10hrs a day on your phone. The choice is yours.
"I realized that the best way to make sure I got my studying done was to do it *first thing* in the morning."
This is a good stratagem for writing as well, do it first thing, even before putting on your socks. "Prose before hose."
What I like to do is separate the decision making from the action taking. I find the real executive fatigue comes from trying to combine the two into the same moment; making a decision holds much more weight if you have to enact it immediately. Pre-plan every decision possible.
I can tell you exactly what would happen if I tried this - I'd make the decision, then when it came time to taking the action I'd second-guess myself and have to make the decision again.
i notice that if i "take time to think about things" oftentimes the character course of action just appears or the problem dissolves. also i write with a lot of edits - viewing the draft with "fresh eyes" on multiple days
To be more precise, the root of the friction in taking action, at least for me, is uncertainty. Your job is to reduce uncertainty as much as possible before taking the action.
I really like the idea of re-casting your emotions and complexes as ministers in your cabinet; it's a nice reminder that "You aren't your feelings". Like in real life, it would also be productive to see the good in them and to trust that they (mostly) have your well-being in mind, they just aren't the most qualified to make the final call on what's right.
This is great. I disagree with the claim that watching foreign-language media is low hanging fruit. IME that's very hard and super frustrating
My experience is that shows are watchable in a second language if they are really good (like top tier stuff) or if they were originally shot in that language. That's about the level I'm at with spanish and french; i can't watch a mediocre show that is then subbed and dubbed into one of those languages.
Wait, you're right. The only German media I could stand to watch was the Nick Knatterton cartoon, which I enjoyed very much
Wow! Simple, Clear and to the point. I've been employing many of these lately, but it is great to have a single place to relook at them once in a while. Saved the post and Subscribed!
Aligning the self with the best discipline is always helpful. Who and why is always variable. It helps to have as many different perspectives as possible.